I'm a good person. And I deserve good things.
Look! All these years I've been slaving for you, never giving you one moment of grief and never disobeying your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends!
- Luke 15: 29 (a mix of the NIV and the Message)
I've heard the Parable of The Lost Son preached dozens of times. And I really have always enjoyed it. I mean it is so cool to see how our God forgives us even though we squander all the blessings He has given us and we waste our inheritance on worldly things and just like the younger son in the parable find ourselves completely destitute, settling for pig slop when we could have some barbecue beef from a fatted calf. Seriously though, we serve a God that just doesn't care what kind of pig slop we are settling for or what we wasted our inheritance on. He just wants us to return home to Him. And He waits with His arms open, ready to party the moment we realize that we have nothing without Him and we come home. And think, He doesn't even yell at us, He doesn't punish us.
I love how the Message Bible says in verse 21 that when the younger son met his father he "started his speech". You gotta think that this guy had been practicing and rehearsing what he would say to his father his whole trip back home. It reminds me of when I was a kid and had done something I knew I was going to be in trouble for, I would spend hours coming up with the best thing to say to my parents to try and lighten their anger towards me, in hopes that I might get my 5 day grounding knocked down to 3 days with good behavior. So the lost son practices and practices what he is going to say to his father when he gets home, and no sooner does he start his "I don't deserve to be called your son" spiel that he realizes his father isn't even listening to his plea bargains because he is too busy making sure his son's needs are taken care of, making sure he is dressed in the finest of clothes. His father doesn't want an explanation nor does he want to scold his son for wasting his inheritance. In fact, out of his compassion, he wants to continue giving to his son. He throws a huge party because his lost son has returned home!
But there is another element to this story that I guess I have always overlooked. We heard a sermon this last Sunday focusing on the older son. Somehow I have always managed to overlook his behavior and actions. And I'm realizing now that's because that older son represented me and the way I related to God for a long time. Now that's not to say that I haven't left home and settled for my fair share of pig slop because I certainly have. And that's also not to say that I haven't demanded my inheritance and wasted it because I have done that too. But really it is the story of the eldest son that I identify with most.
Two thoughts are going through my head about the older son. Matthew 15:8 comes to mind when Jesus, talking to the Pharisees, tells them that even though they praise him with their mouths and say the right things and show up to all the big worship services, their hearts were far removed from him. Even though the older son stayed with his father and obeyed all the rules and did everything his father asked, he shows us the condition of his heart in verses 28-30. He doesn't care that his brother has repented and come home. Instead of being filled with joy over his brother's return he is filled with anger and jealousy. But don't we do that sometimes? Ever had that thought of "Well I don't ever do ____, and I certainly have never _____, and I've never even thought _____. But old John over there, he has done all of that times 5, and his house is waaaay nicer than mine" or "he hasn't gone through half the struggles I have" or "he makes a lot more money than I do".
Another thought I had about the older son (and I think this is where I really identify with him) is that he is still demanding his inheritance, his right to nice things and a nice life and even a nice afterlife, just like his younger brother, but he is just doing it in a different way. He thinks he deserves his inheritance. It's his right. Because after all, he has always done what his father has asked of him. And beyond that, he had always not done what his father forbid him to. But none of it was from his heart. It wasn't because he was grateful that his father provided for him and met his needs. One commentary I read points out that the older brother even refers to his younger brother as "this son of yours" (Luke 15:30 - NIV). He wasn't even thankful that his father completely forgave his younger brother and was not going to give him the punishment he deserved. The older brother was just in it for himself.
Now how many of us can identify with that? I know I can. I guess sometimes we feel like we deserve for God to bless us. We deserve to be taken care of and to be given a spouse and a family and a nice job with a nice house. We deserve to be blessed with good health and to live happy lives. We even deserve to go to heaven. I mean if I read my Bible everyday and go to church every time the doors open and I raise my hands during worship and give 10% of my paycheck to God and I don't say things I shouldn't or talk bad about other people or have sex before I get married then I have been obedient to God, right? All these years I've been slaving for God and I haven't given Him one moment of grief or disobeyed any of His orders, so that makes me a good person, right? And good people deserve good things, don't they? And my father's other son, man he's not a good person. He took all of dad's money and went and completely wasted it on prostitutes and probably gambling and drugs and who knows what else. But me? I'm a good person. And I deserve good things. Happiness? Ya, I deserve to be happy. Good health? Yup, I deserve that. Wealth? Ya, I deserve wealth. Well at least enough to pay the bills and have a new car every couple of years and go on a vacation during the summer, because I for sure deserve a vacation. Heaven? An astounding yes. I have slaved for God and I have kept all his rules. I definitely deserve to go to Heaven.
But the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure (Jeremiah 17:9). And besides that, all of my righteous acts are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). The 'good' I do on my own looks like filth before our Holy God. When I stand before God to account for everything I have done in this life, good (and my good being filth) or bad (I don't even know what my bad is going to look like), the only advocate I am going to have is Jesus Christ. My 'good' is not going to save me. All the Bible verses I memorized and all the church services and programs I went through and all the tithe I gave and all the times I said no to temptation and all the children overseas I sent money to on a monthly basis and all the times I invited my next door neighbors to go to church with me are not going to save me from an eternity of suffering.
But don't our actions say otherwise? Just like the older son in the parable don't we try to work off our salvation? Don't we sometimes fall to the belief that 'good' people don't really go to hell? Don't we sometimes get the idea in our head that we deserve better? That we are good people that do good things and we deserve all the 'good' stuff this life has to offer? And that that person over there isn't quite as good as we are so they don't deserve quite all the stuff that we deserve? And don't we sometimes feel like we have to earn God's approval? That we have to go for a month without sinning while reading at least 3 chapters of the Bible every day and memorizing 2 verses of scripture every week and not missing any church services in between before God will really love us or forgive us or be pleased with us? It almost sounds ridiculous I know but I'm telling you that has been my thought process before. And if you have grown up in the church I bet you have had those same thoughts.
If you are like me, you may need to check your heart before God. Forget about having to check off any of the boxes you have always checked off to try and win God's love, approval, or blessing. Because this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:10). But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Quit trying to win God's love. He didn't send Jesus to die on a cross because of the 'good' things he knew you were going to do. He doesn't want us to perform for him, doing all the good things and not doing all the bad stuff. Let's just live daily in the grace he extends to us. Let's break open the Word because we want to know more about our God who has redeemed us and not because we feel like that's what 'good Christians' do. Let's spend time with him in prayer not so we can check off another box but because our whole being longs for him. Let's love our neighbors not to get a pat on the back or words of praise from our Christian friends but let's love them because we want them to experience truth and freedom in Christ.
Let's also check our hearts that we aren't jealous or angry when a lost brother or sister comes home. Let's look past all of their sins and rejoice with God and throw a party for them. And let's also make sure we don't have an "I deserve ____" attitude. Because in the end we are deserving of absolutely nothing outside of an eternity spent in hell. Our hearts are desperately wicked and when we move on from this life our only defense will be our faith in our advocate Jesus Christ. That's it and that's all. Thank God for Jesus!
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
- Colossians 1:13-14
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